Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
