Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
