Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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