capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
