You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize