Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
