Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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