Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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