Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
