Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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