This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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