Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
