Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
