Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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