so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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