He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
