I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
