Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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