you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
