He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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