he thought i was a dude.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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