id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
