I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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