Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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