I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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