also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.