I will die if light touches me.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.