Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark

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  (206): I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark http://tfl.nu/8yek
  Replies (50) Good night (3668) Bad night (1089)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?

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  (803): I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low? http://tfl.nu/crwl
  Replies (13) Good night (1030) Bad night (4700)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time

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  (617): he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time http://tfl.nu/x6gg
  Replies (21) Good night (1104) Bad night (5465)
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  (415): View more from California

  And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!

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  (415): And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?! http://tfl.nu/ikec
  Replies (9) Good night (2913) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.

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  (802): She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up. http://tfl.nu/8mdh
  Replies (4) Good night (3453) Bad night (761)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.

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  (954): I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter. http://tfl.nu/57tz
  Replies (10) Good night (1342) Bad night (3610)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  how do you feel about lunch break shots ?

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  (204): how do you feel about lunch break shots ? http://tfl.nu/05qu
  Replies (8) Good night (3162) Bad night (932)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.

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  (406): I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling. http://tfl.nu/7oui
  Replies (5) Good night (803) Bad night (2492)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.

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  (608): I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/60pl
  Replies (5) Good night (642) Bad night (2330)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?

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  (870): Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with? http://tfl.nu/z4e7
  Replies (31) Good night (539) Bad night (2387)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!

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  (509): There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar! http://tfl.nu/gi23
  Replies (3) Good night (682) Bad night (341)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.

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  (570): He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point. http://tfl.nu/gdgk
  Replies (7) Good night (231) Bad night (846)
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  (831): View more from California

  Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.

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  (831): Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome. http://tfl.nu/od4k
  Replies (3) Good night (464) Bad night (234)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.

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  (661): He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder. http://tfl.nu/ebay
  Replies (4) Good night (713) Bad night (252)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.

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  (740): Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there. http://tfl.nu/xst3
  Replies (2) Good night (469) Bad night (194)

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