Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me