my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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