No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I didn't notice because vodka
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
