All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
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I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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