I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
