true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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