Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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