I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
