not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
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