She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
