why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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