So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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