I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
