Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
