It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
