I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
