So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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