I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
