I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i already hear my dad disowning me
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
