That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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