Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
