I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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