I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
