Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
