So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
