I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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