something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
