the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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