Jerry, you need to find god
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
