I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
