so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
