My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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