No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Actions speak louder than pants.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
