Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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