____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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