problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
