i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
