and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
